I think I feel a committment panic attack coming on.
I have them once in awhile. I'm not really sure where they come from. My heart starts racing and my mind starting spinning.
I feel insecure, and jealous for reasons even I can't justify.
I feel like I'm being set up to fail, and I'm not really sure why.
I start thinking about the things I know I shouldn't like exes, and "friends".
But sometimes I feel like its all I know.
This world has turned into one of shattered trust and broken hearts.
Even the people who seem happy have something to hide.

Yesterday I spoke to a woman who was married happily for 30 years. Her husband worked in California. He died 4 years ago.Thats when she learned he had a fiance in CA. They had been together for the last 6 years of his life.

While I was driving in Baltimore I saw a billboard that said "Marriage Works". Is that really how worthless traditional values have become? They need to convince people through advertising that Marriage can be a good thing?

Where have all the feelings of mistrust come from? Television? Are the people who are writing the stories so good they are making our own lives seem boring? Is it just the evolution of man,the deterioration of values and unapprection of the human touch that comes with the technology revolution?

Even our words of wisdom we pass on are warnings about the people we let closest to us.

Even when the jealousy and suspicion is part of a joke, there is always that resounding pang of reality.

So with all of those things why should I find the means to trust?
Why should I feel secure in my place?
Why should I let my guard down?


Its hard to say.
Even harder to know.
So for the moment, I just go with the feeling I get when I look into his eyes.
The feeling that makes all the doubt disappear, and all the questions cease.