I'm going to start this post by saying, I've never once in my life actually came up with a new years resolution. Or at least one I swore to stick by. They may have came up in passing, or I would always just use the "go to the gym more" fail safe. But never really sat and reflected on ways I could, or should better myself. I've always viewed new years resolutions the same as I did giving up things for lent: as total bullshit. It was a way for people to feel better about themselves for a week or at most 40 days. But who ever really changed themselves after? Most people just go back to doing the same things they swore off just weeks before. This year has been a completely different year for me though. Like I have said in previous posts my perspective on life has definitely changed greatly since two years ago. Not saying I was a bad person two years ago, but I was definitely much more selfish, and focused on the short term, instant satisfaction. That way of thinking is never really ever conducive of change, or self reflection. Setting goals for the long term were completely meaningless to me cause I was too focused on what would make my life better then. I like to think the past year has taught me a lot about life. I graduated in May, and got a big girl job. I even moved into a big girl apartment, with a very grown-up price tag. I was responsible for myself, and as promised my parents made sure all my bills came to my apartment now, instead of their house. I could almost say I am completely self-reliant. Except I won't because that would be a huge lie. Thanks to my past way of life, I am completely dependent on Mike for the simple things. I'm just glad he loves me as much as he does, or else I'm pretty sure I would be living with my parents at this point. However, that solitary fact made me realize that I really needed to change some of my ways. Which then led to my first list of New Years resolutions I plan to keep.

1.) Paying off My Debt
This is probably one of the biggest issues I've had to come to grips with. I have a tendency to make things less of a big deal or make excuses for them. This is definitely something I've been neglecting for too long. While I was in college I just chalked it up to the fact that I was making minimum wage, and I was just in college, and hey, all college students have debt. Now that I am 23 and working I can see the error of my ways. I was way out of control. I don't necessarily regret it, I just wish I could have made better decisions. My student loan debt isn't even the problem. I could sleep better if I had only student loan debt. It is my credit cards. Therefore, this year i am going to seriously focus on paying down my credit card debt. Starting with my store cards. I realize now, that i just don't need them. My plan of action is to pay them off, and close the accounts. The less credit I have the less likely I will be to be frivolous with it. I know paying all of my credit card debt off in a year in unrealistic (yeah its that bad) so I'm starting small. By paying less in interest I'm hoping I can also achieve my second resolution at some point this year.


2.) Contributing more
Mike pays a lot of the bills, and buys a lot of the groceries. Mostly because all my money is tied up with repaying debt. Which he tells me is OK because he makes more, but I still feel awful about. I always thought I would be able to make it on my own, but obviously, without him I'd be living in a box on a corner. I try to throw some money his way when I can but I just don't think its enough. So this year I want to contribute more to our apartment. Even if it means by just starting to do more of the cleaning then I do now. I want to really make this feel like our apartment.

3.) Forget the Past
I have also come to realize that I tend to hold onto things for a long time. I stay angry at people when really there is no point anymore. Or I remain weary of people even after they have proved a million times over that they deserve to be trusted. My habit of holding onto those bad feelings is only holding me back. Its keeping me from realizing many other feelings that should be there. It keeps me from making connections with people. Instead of being the outgoing person I am capable of in my comfort zone, I stay inverted. I have the personality traits to be extremely successful at mapping out a business network, but keeping people out of my life prevents those relationships. It also slows down growth in relationships I already have.

4.) Getting Motivated and Staying Focused
I am great at getting motivated about a project, a gym routine, or a hobby. But I also am great at losing focus, and sometimes interest pretty quickly. My fourth resolution is to find a way to stay focused. Mainly on the end result. This resolution has obvious implication on all the others, quite possibly making it the most important, if I had to rank them. Not only am I making these resolutions but I whole-heartily intend to keep them. How I'm going to stay motivated is the part that I've struggled to come up with. I'm usually best motivated by some kind of reward, or even public shame for failure. At work when it comes to selling, there is always the bragging rights that come along with having a great wavier day. I believe that is the strategy I will use in order to stay on track. I plan to use this blog as a tool as well. Having to write about it will keep me honest, not to mention make me limit the amount of times I will want to admit that I've actually failed.

Reading over what I wrote, I'm thinking I might have made a mistake. These are some serious issues to confront. At the same time though, I'm proud of myself for not taking the easy out and making my resolution "go to the gym more". I think its finally about time that I've really worked hard at something, even if it is just myself.

love.